This week I thought it would be neat to add a feminine touch in addition to Giuseppe's Power Rankins. Because sometimes the rough n tough world of fantasy football just needs a little bit of sugar, spice and everything nice.
1. *Party in My Pants* You are trying so hard and have learned a lot in your first few weeks of fantasy football. I think it's nice that you are getting closer to your family through the magic of sports (not running), and you definitely get an A for effort. Also, this week you got your second win! SORORITY SNAPS!! Also, you’re always super nice and keep up with my chit chat. You might not have running backs this week, but you sure do have my vote!
2. *Back to the Razor* Shout out to my sister from another mister!!! I put you as number two because you smell nicer than any of the boys. Although it doesn’t look great that Jessica Simpson’s icky x has a bye week and Eli’s Plantar Fasciitis is Fasci-NAUSEOUS!! Speaking of Nauseous, whenever I read your team name I think of someone who needs to shave their back. Just sayin’.
3. *Big Daddy’s Eagles* I’ve been rooting for you to be #1 lately, but I am playing against you this week, so that makes me like you less for the next few days. Sorry sugar, but you’ve just been girl-hated-on. Hope that fantasy football slut magic you’ve got going on takes a dive this week, because I don’t want no scrubs. Also, I hope Donovan McThrowTheBallInTheGround makes good on his name… or at least the one I gave him J
4. *Special Eli’s Money Team* Oh Matty, I think maybe you took a page out of the girl handbook and manipulated the game to work for you and screw everyone else over, but your team still looks good. (Except for against me! Self snaps!!!) Although it looks like that McGahee trade backfired, as Braylon Edwards makes New York forget about that other #17 (not Feagles…) and also, about Cotchery. Bumskies!
5. *Hurricane Nantus* Not only is McFadden not good, but he’s broken!! Time to get rid of Reggie Bush (he’s SO cute) and Joseph ‘Wannadie’. BUT! I do think you’re going to crush this week with the Eagles using JaMarcus Russell as a human piñata (another 35 point week?) and with the Colts on a bye week. Flacco against the Vikings D? Nicht gut—not good.
6. *The Blue Chippers* I put you one place above Giuseppe to be a b*tch, although your team has made vast improvements without Michael Bush starting or Crabtree on your bench. (He finally made nice with the 49ers! What bad timing for you!) This week will be tough with my Power RankQueens#1 spot hungry for revenge (GWOTD= vindication) but you can do it! Woo!
7. *Shanghi Knights* Would have been higher in the RankQueens, but I thought it was poetic to put you in the spot that I once reigned. Your team is SOLID, but I still maintain that wins and losses in FANTASY don’t mean the same that they do in real life, sorry tesora! Good luck this week against the devilishly handsome Christopher Conant… you might need that band aid after all.
8. *The Furious River Fish* In all reality you belong much higher in something that is ranking our teams but, to be quite frank, tough tampons! (Did you all just cringe? NAILED IT!) I still can’t believe drafting Big Ben in round 1 of the draft and the Steelers new love for running the ball hasn’t had worse fantasy repercussions for you, but I guess less passing yards means less sacks too.
9. *Team Kontur* Really you’re here because you should have sat the Jets defense for Monday Night Football, even I know that! Also, because every time I send you a trade request you let it expire. BOO!
10. Me! Because everybody loves a Cinderella story, and I’m going to kick all your asses. I mean, bums!
XOXO, Liz
a tip for Givin' Him the Business's manager:
ReplyDeletedrop Garrard or Hasselbeck (or both) since Rodgers already had a bye week, and pick up a defense for THIS week.
looking at your team, i have no clue how you aren't dominating this league. please step up your game.
laceticle.
haha here's to Jake Delhomme makin' mamma proud
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